Downtime

After having such a good run for so long it’s incredibly depressing to have a bad one again.

I keep waking up hoping that today is the day I pick up again but it hasn’t yet happened. It feels like a tease to feel well and then have it snatched away. I am sitting at my laptop all snug with my little table next to me with empty plates and cups, many people would think that sounds like a nice way to spend a day, and once it was. These days this is as far from what I want to be doing as possible, I have long ago exhausted my DVD and book collection, the web has well and truly lost its novelty downtime value, and I am left with that ‘downtime’ being my new job.

I have had it said to me that I will miss this once I can’t do it any longer, but will I? Is it like smoking 10 packs of cigarettes in a day to kick the habit? Has downtime become something I resent? Perhaps in years to come I will look back at this time and think how nice it really was, but I doubt it. When you have a cold and are forced to ‘rest’ and sit around watching bad TV and DVD’s all day, part of you enjoys it, because it’s something you can never do, but when it is all you can do, it’s just like working. Mundane and monotonous.