I’m Daddy’s little girl all grown up, but I still need my daddy.  I want to bask in his strong embrace.  Instead he gives my heart a chase.  He pushes me away into the wrong kind of space.

My dad and I hold polar opposite believes when it comes to the treatment of medicine.  I believe in studies and the scientific method.  He believes in testimonials and isolated case reports.  But that it is neither here nor there. In our differential beliefs we are at in impasse.  And no matter how I beg and plead I can’t get him to respect my wishes.

I even tried a different tact.  I recently agreed that once I am recovered from this current hospitalization I would agree to spend two sessions with an alternativie medicine worker of his choice and fully hear them out and what they think I should do for my health.  But then, my dad went the very next day against my will and set up a consultation between an alternative medicine doctor out of state and my current internist.  This is only one recent example of what has gone on over the years as I have struggled to find my path to health and he as struggled to get me to follow a completely different path.

Feelings are hurt, boundaries has been crossed, trust has been broken.  I am left unsure if I want him in my life at all right now.  As much as it would hurt to cut him out when I need his support the most, he doesn’t seem capable of giving me the support I need anyway.  So much trust has been broken.  I just want him to hold me and tell me it it will all be okay.  Instead he hold me at arms length and tells me what I’m dong wrong.

And the stress from this has been tremendous.  I can’t stop crying.  Between the being sick itself (34 total days in the hospital and counting) and the fear of the great unknown – all we really know so far is that my problem is with some kind of inflammation in the brain stem – it might be MS (multiple sclerosis) or something like it.  And then there’s my dad making it worse.  Telling me the treatment I’m choosing for myself is going to kill me.  He needs to respect that its my body and my choice and he just can’t for whatever issues he has gong n his inner psyche.

So in the meantime…  I will get by without him.

EDITED: to include clarification about my willingness to see certain alternative medicine practictioners.

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I’m Daddy’s little girl all grown up, but I still need my daddy.  I want to bask in him strong embrace.  Instead he gives my heart a chase.  He pushes me away into the wrong kind of space.

My dad and I hold polar opposite believes when it comes to the treatment of medicine.  I believe in studies and the scientific method.  He believes in testimonials and isolated case reports.  But that it is neither here nor there. In our differential beliefs we are at in impasse.  And no matter how I beg and plead I can’t get him to respect my wishes.  For example, he went against my will and set up a consultation between an alternative medicine doctor out of state and my current internist.  This is only one recent example of what has gone on over the years as I have struggled to find my path to health and he as struggled to get me to follow a completely different path.

Feelings are hurt, boundaries has been crossed, trust has been broken.  I am left unsure if I want him in my life at all right now.  As much as it would hurt to cut him out when I need his support the most, he doesn’t seem capable of giving me the support I need anyway.  So much trust has been broken.  I just want him to hold me and tell me it it will all be okay.  Instead he hold me at arms length and tells me what I’m dong wrong.

And the stress from this has been tremendous.  I can’t stop crying.  Between the being sick itself (34 total days in the hospital and counting) and the fear of the great unknown – all we really know so far is that my problem is with some kind of inflammation in the brain stem – it might be MS (multiple sclerosis) or something like it.  And then there’s my dad making it worse.  Telling me the treatment I’m choosing for myself is going to kill me.  He needs to respect that its my body and my choice and he just can’t for whatever issues he has gong n his inner psyche.

So in the meantime…  I will get by without him.

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I’m scared about tomorrow.  Tomorrow I have to get a feeding tube put in.  But let me back up.

My liver function has been declining.  But now my GI doctor thinks that my liver problems might be from the oral antibiotic they had me on for my kidney infection, so I of course stopped that.  (My kidney infection seems to finally be better at least.)  With the liver my doctors want to wait 2 weeks to see if the levels normalize with me off the antibiotic.  If not then I’ll need a liver biopsy to determine what is causing it be it Autoimmune Hepatitis or something else, and we’ll go from there.

Over the last couple days, I’ve tried to eat clear liquids again and all I get is more pain and nausea.  I tried for the last time today, and I still had the same horrible nasuea and pain.  So tomorrow I’m going to have a feeding tube put in.  We are going to keep me on tube feeding for a WHOLE MONTH!!!  Why?  To really give the pancreas a chance to rest and calm down.  That means no eating for a month!!!  Ugh.

In the past, we would have just upped my dose of Prednisone to calm down the Autoimmune Pancreatitis, but now the side effects of the Prednisone are causing me too much harm and my doctors are afraid of raising it even more.

So tomorrow I will get a Nasojejunal Tube (or NJ Tube) placed.  It will go up my nose, down by throat, through my stomach, and into my small intestines.  It will allow me to get nutrition without aggravating my Autoimmune Pancreatitis.

So why am I so afraid?  Well for one thing you have to be under anesthesia for it.  Secondly, last time I had a feeding tube placed I woke up afterward into a nightmare.  I had somehow been exposed to latex which I have a life threatening allergy to.

I woke up feeling like I was drowning.  I couldn’t breathe and I thought I was going to die.  I kept coming in and out of consciousness, but each time I awoke there were more doctors and nurses around me.  They couldn’t stabilize me in the Recovery room and had to move me to the ICU and put me on a machine to help me breathe.  I spent the day and night in the ICU recovering from the incident.

Since I found out that I was getting another feeding tube I have been having flash backs to the incident.  I am very nervous something similar will happen again.  Luckily the hospital is a lot more latex free than it was when this happened a few years ago.  But even so, I am having a hard time staying calm about it.

But if all goes well with the feeding tube, and I am able to tolerate the tube feedings well, they might be able to send me home from the hospital on Saturday.  If not, then I don’t know when I’m going to make it out of this place.

It’s already been 14 consecutive days and 20 total days that I’ve spent here in the hospital, but I’ve got to keep the faith!  I know I will make it out of here eventually.  In the meantime, my friends and family have been wonderfully supportive.  I owe them so much.  And when things are at their worst, I’ve been calling upon God to help me through.  He has been such a constant source of strength, comfort, and support.  I lived so long without God in my life, but now I don’t know how I’d get by without Him.

In the end, I just have to deal with things as they come.  Things are what they are, and I know that with my own inner strength and God’s help I can get through anything.  I could cry about it (and sometimes I do), but I’d rather laugh and make the best of things.  Because life is too short.

My growing collection of flowers from friends and family.

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Though I am a Novel Patient, patience isn’t my strong suit.  But patience is what is required of me right now.

My kidney infection has triggered a flare of my Autoimmune Pancreatitis.  I’ve completely lost my appetite and am having severe upper abdominal pain that bores through to my back.  Luckily I am at the hospital with all my specialists including my Pancreatic specialist.  In terms of treatment, my doctors are really afraid to give me more Prednisone (a steroid) while I am still fighting this infection.  Plus they don’t want to undo my progress in tapering the Prednisone.  So the treatment is to keep me completely off anything by mouth – no food or even water – for several days until this hopefully calms itself down again.

So they are keeping me here through the weekend, and I get to practice being patient.

I am plain tired of it all though.  I am tired of being in the hospital so often that it becomes so commonplace to my family that they hardly bat an eye.  I am tired of having IVs and PICC lines hanging out of my arm and being covered with bruises from botched attempts at them.  I am tired of being woken up in the middle of the night to get my vitals checked.  I’m tired of all the medications and the side effects.  (A new fun one from the IV antibiotic is blurred vision.)  I’m tired of being bored and lonely and alone in the hospital.  I am tired of being so tired.

I wrote a poem just now:

In The Hospital

In the hospital
Knowing only pain
And loneliness
Poked and prodded
Woken in the night
Woken in to a nightmare
But this is no nightmare
This is my life
So I search
For a beacon of hope
For a way to get through
And make this trial a tool
To grow and evolve
Past the loneliness
And past the pain
Poking and prodding
My soul into change
Though I dream
And I hope
For health
I cannot wait
So one day at a time
In the hospital

On the upside, I get to take a shower tomorrow.  A REAL shower!!!  I can’t explain how much I’m looking forward to that!

Also my church has been amazing!  They’ve been calling and texting and most importantly visiting me.  It’s been awesome to have such a source of support for the first time in my life!  Their visits have broken up the monotony and made it so much easier to be patient.

And patient I must be – a novelly patient patient.

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Fear.

Fear that I will end up back in the hospital.

Fear and OCD are a bad combination.  It’s bad enough to have a fearful thought in your head, but with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder you just can’t forget it.

I was woken by pain on Monday morning at 6am.  I felt like I was being stabbed in my left lower back and side.  An all too familiar pain.  The pain of a kidney infection.  AGAIN.  I’ve had far too many kidney infections the last few years.  Several of them have resulted in extended hospitalizations of a month or longer.  So to feel this familiar pain filled me with dread.

That is how the fear started.

I called my doctor as soon as the office opened.  He opted to put me right on antibiotics over the phone.  The first day was truly miserable.  I was in so much pain and my breakthrough pain meds were barely taking the edge off.  Yesterday I seemed to be feeling a tiny bit better.  But today I spiked a fever.

Not good.

Now the fear was escalating.  This infection was not heading in the right direction.  Instead it was following the well worn path that leads to the hospital.

I called my doctor who had me go get a urinalysis done to see where the infection is at.  I’ll get the result tomorrow.  The culture won’t be back though for a few days.

Now I wait and try not to let the fear take over.  But my thoughts are wanting to spiral out of control.

Kidney infection leads to hospital.

Hospital leads to latex exposure.

Latex exposure leads to anaphalaxsis.

Anaphalaxsis leads to another stay in the ICU.

Not fun.

Not fun at all.

Mental illness can sure make it more difficult to deal with a chronic illness.  But I’m trying to calm my thoughts.  Trying to channel my OCD into other happier obsessions.  But really I just want to cry because, though I try, sometimes I just can’t put a happy spin on life with a chronic illness.  Sometimes it’s not inspiring or uplifting.  Sometimes there’s no bigger picture.  Sometimes there’s no underlying lesson to be learned.  Sometimes it just sucks.

Sometimes I’m not a novel patient.  Sometimes I’m just a scared girl who doesn’t want to end up back in the hospital for the umpteenth time.

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• Suzanne commented on Shattered Trust Lauren, I hope you will give your dad a chance. I’m sure he feels helpless watching you go through s
• Alison commented on Shattered Trust Hey Lauren. I’ve still been thinking about you because it reminds me so much of all I’ve been throug
• Gillian commented on Shattered Trust Hi Lauren. As a mother & a daughter I can kind of see both sides. Watching your child suffer ill

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Before the wheelchair and the Prednisone, I could hide my illness in plain sight.  This is me right after a hospitalization.

Before I was in a wheelchair and now a walker, my illness was pretty invisible.  Though there are many downsides to invisible illness, one thing I did appreciate was that it gave me a choice of how much I wanted to share if anything about my illness.  If I wanted, I could mostly hide my symptoms, and no one had to know.  But my wheelchair became a physical sign of my illness and suddenly everyone, everywhere I went, instantly knew something was wrong.  And the big question that lingered in the air was “WHAT?”

I have always been a very open person.  Though like everyone I want to be accepted, I really don’t fear rejection.  Or at least I’d rather be rejected up front by someone I just met than a close friend far down the line.  So my policy about my illness has always been to share as much as the person I’m talking to in curious to know.  And the interesting thing has been that this has brought many blessings in itself.  When I share about my illness honestly and openly, I generally find that people respond with genuine empathy.

Sharing so openly has also given me the opportunity to help many people.  There are so many people out there going through similar experiences to me themselves or have a loved one or friend who is going through something similar.  I find that when I follow my intuition and share I find I’m speaking to someone who can benefit from what I have to say.

People are usually dying to ask me why I’m in a wheelchair or using a walker, but are afraid of being rude.  So I’ll steer the conversation that direction and put them out of their misery.  In this fashion, I often find myself sharing about my various illnesses with people I just met.  Sometimes I share the story of my physical illness and sometimes I share my struggle with mental illness.

Sometimes sharing doesn’t go very well.  Though most people are supportive and understanding, there will always be the ones who are judgmental or want to tell me what to do.  Either way I never regret sharing about my illnesses.

I find it’s important though that when I talk about myself, my illnesses aren’t the only thing I share about.  I am not my illness, and if I can communicate one thing that sticks with the person I am talking to I hope it is that people like me with chronic illness are so much more than the sum of their diagnoses.  I am also a women with hopes and dreams, talents and aspirations, fears and weaknesses.  I am human just like everyone else.  I am a graphic designer and a game designer and a novelist and a blogger and a scrapbooker.

I hope I never lose my desire to share fully and genuinely, and that I never forget to share the most important thing of all – what makes me who I am.

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Through my chronic illness, I have come to realize how crucial it is to have faith.  When most people think of the word “faith” they think religion, but there are so many other aspects to keeping faith alive in your life through dark and difficult times.  In fact, the word “faith” is merely defined as “confidence or trust in a person or thing.”

I have been blessed with always having a tremendous faith in myself.  Faith that I have the ability to get through anything no matter what life rolls my way.  But oddly enough, I believe my faith in myself stemmed from my childhood traumas.  As a child I was forced into the role of the third parent in my house.  As painful as it was it gave me an inner strength — a knowledge that I was capable of getting through anything if I just believed in myself.

This inner strength and faith in myself was strengthened as I battled depression.  Living for three years with intrusive thoughts on hurting myself or ending my life and yet not acting on them, save three minor occasions, gave me the faith in myself that I could get through anything if I was determined enough.

So when my illness struck, I’ve always had the faith that I can get through this as well.  Though it isn’t always easy… in fact it hardly ever is, I have kept the faith in myself that I am a strong enough person to deal with whatever I find in front of me.  And that faith has gotten me through the endless doctors appointments and tests, the six and half years of searching for a diagnosis, the prolonged hospitalizations, adjusting to life in a wheelchair, and the daily struggle to keep a positive attitude despite my pain and other limitations.

I have also learned how important it is to keep faith that things will get better, that I will get better.  I have to have faith that I will find a treatment or even a cure that will allow me to live a more normal life again in the future.  This faith that things will be more than okay — faith that things will get better sustains me during my darkest hours.

And then there’s faith that I have in others.  I don’t keep my illness private.  Through this blog, through the people I meet and share my story with, I share my journey with the world.  And I have to have faith in people.  That they will understand.  That they will be there for me.  And though I sometimes find myself disappointed, overall I find that when I put my faith in others they rise to the occasion.  It’s as if they were waiting for me to put my faith in them.  Waiting for me to put my blind trust and confidence in them, and they respond by being there for me in more ways than I can count.  And I am so blessed and grateful for this.

Finally there is the ultimate faith.  The kind you have despite the lack of evidence or proof.  Faith in God.  Though I try to keep this blog secular, I feel I would be amiss if I didn’t share this part of my journey.  Though I was raised Reform Jewish, it never really resonated with me.  It is a beautiful religion, but through it was hadn’t found the close connection to God I’ve so desperately craved especially in the last few years as I’ve struggled with my illness.  I’ve tried out several different churches over the years.  I was going to a Universalist Unitarian church for a while, and though I loved the people and how open they were, I still didn’t find what I was looking for in terms of a close and personal relationship with God.  Finally, two Sundays ago I went to a Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints or Mormon church with a friend.  There I finally found what I had been searching for.  I have found the faith in God that I had been seeking.  I realized I had it all along.  I’ve prayed for a long time to find this closeness to God that I now finally feel, but I never expected to find it through Christ, and yet there it is.  And as surprising as it is to my friends, family, and even myself, I am getting baptized in a month.    And so I am really excited to embark on this new journey of faith.

Faith is so important no matter what form it takes.  When you are suffering physical pain all the time what else do you have to turn to but some sort of faith that things will be okay.  Whether it comes from within or from others or from God, faith is what has sustained me through my battle with chronic illness.

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• Jeanne commented on Full Disclosure Hi Lauren, This is a great post. The vast majority of my 28 years (out of 41) living with chronic il
• faeryqueen21 commented on Box of Hope Lauren this box is such a wonderful idea. I really wish I had had something like this when I was goi

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When you are sick all the time you often have to (sometimes unwilling) rely on the help and support of other people.  And that is something that should not be taken for granted.  So today, on the one year anniversary of this blog, I feel like I really have to thank all of you who have joined me in my journey as a novel patient.  During the ups and downs of this last year, your comments and support have been such a source of strength for me to draw upon.  And this blog has come a long long way since my first post.  Not only has its readership grown, but its pushed me to improve as a writer.  It’s even spawned the Novel Patient Community where every novel patient can have their own blog.

Though it has been a rough year in many ways, I am thankful for so many things.  I am thankful for a mom who not only lets me, her 26 year old daughter, live with her, but helps take care of me.  I am thankful for a dad who cares so much for me that he will always try and do what he thinks is best for me.  I am grateful for a caregiver who I also consider a close friend and a also for a best friend who I know will always be there for me when I need her.  I am thankful for a wonderfully supportive sister.  I am thankful for a cuddly dog that adores me.

I am also thankful for my doctors who have often gone out of their way to make sure I get the care I need.  I know I am a very complicated case to have to deal with.  This year I decided to make the five of my doctor’s I see the most handmade holiday cards to let them know how much I appreciate what they do for me.

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• Dad commented on Walk By Faith Beautiful day to share with you… Love, Dad P.S. I really do have more hair than the picture shows!
• alan m rogers commented on Walk By Faith Fantastic and amazing. I was baptized (in a hot tub, no less!) just over two years ago. I have fibro
• Jen Fryer commented on Walk By Faith What wonderful news. I cannot tell you how happy I am for you.
• Alison commented on Walk By Faith I know it can be hard to talk about your faith in this kind of forum, but I’m glad you did! The best
• Annette commented on Walking: The Power of Positivity and Prayer I heard about the insanely slow taper from someone else, and she had the most success of anyone in a

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Sometimes you expect one thing and get another… especially when living with multiple chronic illnesses. I finally saw the Sjogren’s specialist at yesterday.  He spent a good 40 minutes pouring over my records and taking notes on them.  He listened to my insanely long list of symptoms.

The interesting thing is he came to the conclusion that Sjogren’s probably isn’t my main diagnosis.  He really feels that I have some sort of autoimmune neurological disorder going on causing the seizures, episodes of paralysis, tremor, severe pain upon standing that has me in a wheelchair, motility problems, bladder problems, memory problems, and recent facial drooping and uneven pupil dilation.  He thinks the Sjogren’s is secondary to whatever is causing all of that.

He’s going to be coordinating with my normal rheumy to get me a lot more specific tests to work me up for this and try and figure out if this is originating in the peripheral nerves, ganglia, or brain.  He said he suspects that it is probably in both either the peripheral nerves or ganglia and also in the brain.  He also probably wants to me travel to John Hopkins to see a neurologist specializing in this there.  He said my case is one of the most unusual and complex and in my situation I need to go to the top doctor even if he or she is located on the other side of the country.

I’m not totally sure what to think and am still processing this.  I went to him expecting to discuss other treatment options for Sjogren’s and am now going to be pursuing an alternative primary diagnosis instead.

I’m also feeling pretty scared.  I feel like I’ve been thrown back out into unknown territory again.  Back trying to tread water in the deep end of the pool.  I also know that the kind of disease he thinks I probably have is not something that is good to be diagnosed with.  I’m also frustrated that no one has really seriously pursued the neuro stuff thus far and that I had to drive 3.5 hours to see a Sjogren’s specialist to figure that Sjogren’s probably isn’t my main problem.  Sigh.

I guess part of it too is that another whole year of my life has rolled by… I just turned 26… and now we are back at trying to diagnose me again which means its going to be even longer till we can start a treatment other than prednisone again which means its going to be even longer before I have some hope of having some semblance of a “normal” life back again.  Maybe its because it’s that time of the month right now as well, but I’m just feeling really upset and like this is a step backwards.  I know intellectually it is really maybe FINALLY a step in the right direction, but it sure doesn’t feel that way right now.  I’m 26 and I want my life back.  I’ve been too ill to have a “normal” life since I was 18.  I’m just so tired of it all.

I guess the worst part is the not knowing what’s going on or what to expect.  If the doctor were to just tell me I’m going to be stuck in a wheelchair for the rest of my life at least I could learn to live with that fact.  But I don’t have any facts right now to learn to live with so I can grieve and move on.  Yes I suppose that’s the worst part of all.

I feel so lost right now I don’t know what to do with myself really.

In the meantime, my mom and I are staying at my grandma’s since she lives by this new Sjogren’s specialist which was 3.5 hours away from where I live.  We’ll be driving back on Wednesday.  The Sjogren’s specialist said he’d get back to me in about 2 weeks  – after he has a chance to talk to my current rheumy and review all the neurological testing I’ve already had done, so that we don’t repeat any tests unnecessarily.  Then there are a bunch of specialized neuro tests that I’ll need to have done either around here or at Johns Hopkins.

Intellectually I know this is a good thing and that finally getting the correct diagnosis will lead to the right treatment that will eventually get me healthier and able to live more of a life.  Right now I’m just feeling kind of depressed about the whole thing.  I’ll be okay though.  Just takes a little time to process all of this.

In the meantime I’m staying more than busy.  I’ve been continuing on with National Novel Writing Month where you try to write a 50k word novel in 30 days.  So far I’m at about 12k words, so I’m doing fairly well.  I’ve been letting a handful of beta-readers read along as I write it, and the feedback has been extremely positive and motivating for me to keep writing.  I’m also working on designing two online games and working on a huge needle point.  So at least I’m not bored. 

It all really comes back to maintaining hope.  Emotionally this has been a bit of a setback for me because I was expecting answers and got more questions.  But I choose to maintain hope that this will lead me to the right treatment in time.  Ultimately I already have whatever I have.  The diagnosis — the label — won’t change that.  I am learning to live with whatever it is regardless.  And I have faith in myself that I will get through this.  As long as I don’t loose hope I haven’t really lost anything.  There are always new options and opportunities I can make for myself if I remain hopeful and open to them!

Recent Comments:

• Annette commented on Walking: The Power of Positivity and Prayer I heard about the insanely slow taper from someone else, and she had the most success of anyone in a
• stephanie commented on Walking: The Power of Positivity and Prayer That is wonderful! Keep up the great work. Stephanie
• Mel commented on Walking: The Power of Positivity and Prayer Congrats!!! I remember the first time I walked. Keep that faith……..God can work miracles!
• Heidi commented on Walking: The Power of Positivity and Prayer Look at you – all up and about!!! You GO girl! You’re an inspiration, and despite your illnesses, an
• Alison commented on Walking: The Power of Positivity and Prayer Awesome accomplishment, and that’s great you’ve set a goal for yourself with walking, something I ke

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Post tags: autoimmune, autoimmune disease, bladder problems, brain, Chronic, Chronic Illness, chronic illnesses, diagnosis, disease, doctor, faith, ganglia, health, hope, illness, illnesses, john hopkins, johns hopkins, life, memory problems, national novel writing month, neurological disorder, neurologist, novel, pain, paralysis, peripheral nerves, Prednisone, seizures, severe pain, sjogren, sjogren's syndrome, specialist, symptom, treatment, treatment options, tremor, uneven pupil dilation, unknown territory, wheelchair, Writing

Tomorrow I am heading down out of town on a trip to see a Sjogren’s specialist.  My appointment is on Monday.  Since it is about 3 hours away we — my mom and I — will be spending two nights at my Grandma’s house which is in the area.

I have high hopes that he will be able to provide me with some new treatment options.  At the same time I am nervous about getting my hopes up too high.  I have been disappointed by doctors many times before.

It can be hard to maintain hope when living with a chronic illness especially when you are told by your doctor that you are basically out of treatment options.  But the alternative — falling into despair — is much much worse.  So I choose to maintain my high hopes knowing full well that sometimes I will be disappointed.  That’s okay.  Disappointment is a part of life.  I realized a long time ago that you have to take the good with the bad.

On a different note… Sometimes I surprise even myself with what I can do if I set my mind to do it.  Since the start of the month I have been writing up a storm on novel for National Novel Writing Month or NaNoWriMo.  As of this writing, I am up to 10,701 words which puts me about 700 words ahead of schedule!  You can go to my NaNoWriMo Profile page to continue to follow my progress and to read a synopsis and excerpt from my novel.  Since I started doing creative writing again, I’ve been on sort of a writers high.  I don’t remember the last time I was in such a great mood for days at a time!

I’ve also stood up another time for a another whole minute.  I haven’t been able to do it as often as I would like, but the fact that I’m doing it at all makes me very happy.

I think hope is self-perpetuating.  Hope gives you the strength to reach beyond what you think you can do which in turn gives you more hope.  And all these things give me hope for a good today and a better tomorrow.

Recent Comments:

• Jen commented on Dependency Congratulations on the walking!!! That’s fantastic! Is there a possibility of you regaining mobility
• IamFree commented on De-Stress Hi there. My advice is to get a book that will make you look at the things that stress you and asks
• IamFree commented on Keeping The Faith Hi there. If you still have intrusive thoughts now is the time to work on it next. Faith will help y
• Janeen commented on Dependency Wonderful post! You’ve caught the spirit of the blog carnival beautifully. It’s hard to see how a ch
• amanda commented on Dependency Your posts are always an inspiration to me!

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Post tags: Appointment, Chronic Illness, despair, disappointment, doctor, Doctors, grandma, high hopes, hope, illness, mom, nanowrimo, national novel writing month, novel, sjogren, specialist, treatment, treatment options, Writing