There are two ways to look at everything.  Like dark and light.  Like black and white.  Positive or negative.  There are two ways to view every situation life throws your way.

People often ask me how I maintain such a positive attitude despite all I go through.  I tell them that first of all life is too short to spend being unhappy.  Besides… I have two choices.  I can be sick and miserable or I can be sick and happy.  The choice is mine.  And I chose to be sick and happy!

It’s a sort of double vision as I see it.  There are two ways to look at every situation.  And right now I literally am experiencing double vision.  I am also having extreme difficulty lifting and moving my left leg.

Yesterday I saw a neurologist here in the hospital.  (Yes I am STILL in the hospital – 21st consecutive day and 27th total day.)  And he thinks that one of two things is going on.  Either I have an ongoing chronic probably Autoimmune neurological disease causing this and my other neurological problems.  If this is the case it might be something like Multiple Sclerosis or something similar.  Otherwise I might have had a one time incident a few years ago when I couldn’t move either of my legs for a month that left me with permanent damage.  Either way the infections I’ve been fighting has been exacerbating my symptoms.

While we are trying to figure things out my neurologist gave me an eye patch so that my double vision is reduced by looking out of only one eye.  Now I can see more clearly.  And what I see is this…

I could curl up into a ball and cry about having another serious health problem – a health problem that is effecting not only my vision but my mobility and my cognitive abilities.  Or I can realize that I already have had this problem either way.  Now I’ll finally hopefully have a name to put to it and a way to treat it and make it better and easier to live with!

Looking like a pirate with my eye patch (ARRRRRR), I no longer have double vision.  My vision is clear (despite the fact that it is still a bit blurry even with my glasses).  So I can clearly see that I have a choice in how I view my situation.  And I chose to deal with it with strong faith that things with be okay somehow as long as I choose happiness every time!

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• Mela commented on Seeing Double big hugs from me, Lauren! I can’t imagine how much courage it takes for you every day to maintain su
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• Gillian commented on Hospital Update Thinking of you. You’re in my prayers and I hope that the procedure went really well this time.
• Wacky Lisa commented on Hospital Update I really hope tomorrow goes well & that the NJ tube helps a great deal.

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Post tags: autoimmune, autoimmune neurological disease, Better, choices, Chronic, cognitive abilities, Conditions and Diseases, dark and light, Demyelinating Diseases, disease, double vision, eye patch, Faith, health, health problem, hope, hospital, infection, left leg, legs, life, multiple sclerosis, Neurological Disorders, neurological problems, neurologist, Neurology, patient, permanent damage, pirate, positive attitude, situation life, symptom, time incident, two choices, two ways, Visual perception

There are two ways to look at everything.  Like dark and light.  Like black and white.  Positive or negative.  There are two ways to view every situation life throws your way.

People often ask me how I maintain such a positive attitude despite all I go through.  I tell them that first of all life is too short to spend being unhappy.  Besides… I have two choices.  I can be sick and miserable or I can be sick and happy.  The choice is mine.  And I chose to be sick and happy!

It’s a sort of double vision as I see it.  There are two ways to look at every situation.  And right now I literally am experiencing double vision.  I am also having extreme difficulty lifting and moving my left leg.

Yesterday I saw a neurologist here in the hospital.  (Yes I am STILL in the hospital – 21st consecutive day and 27th total day.)  And he thinks that one of two things is going on.  Either I have an ongoing chronic probably Autoimmune neurological disease causing this and my other neurological problems.  If this is the case it might be something like Multiple Sclerosis or something similar.  Otherwise I might have had a one time incident a few years ago when I couldn’t move either of my legs for a month that left me with permanent damage.  Either way the infections I’ve been fighting has been exacerbating my symptoms.

While we are trying to figure things out my neurologist gave me an eye patch so that my double vision is reduced by looking out of only one eye.  Now I can see more clearly.  And what I see is this…

I could curl up into a ball and cry about having another serious health problem – a health problem that is effecting not only my vision but my mobility and my cognitive abilities.  Or I can realize that I already have had this problem either way.  Now I’ll finally hopefully have a name to put to it and a way to treat it and make it better and easier to live with!

Looking like a pirate with my eye patch (ARRRRRR), I no longer have double vision.  My vision is clear (despite the fact that it is still a bit blurry even with my glasses).  So I can clearly see that I have a choice in how I view my situation.  And I chose to deal with it with strong faith that things with be okay somehow as long as I choose happiness every time!

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• Diana Lee commented on Progress! I'm grateful to hear you're doing so well. You truly look wonderful.
• cattie commented on Progress! Aww, so happy for you, Lauren, and thanking God you're well. I hope you have tons of fun, an
• Ariana commented on Progress! Yay! So sad I won't be going to ARGfest I love the picture with you standing! Your skirt is
• David F. commented on Progress! Beautiful to see your amazing progress! Congratulations! Have fun a ARGFest… Wish I could be there

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Post tags: autoimmune, autoimmune neurological disease, Better, choices, Chronic, cognitive abilities, Conditions and Diseases, dark and light, Demyelinating Diseases, disease, double vision, eye patch, Faith, health, health problem, hope, hospital, infection, left leg, legs, life, multiple sclerosis, Neurological Disorders, neurological problems, neurologist, Neurology, patient, permanent damage, pirate, positive attitude, situation life, symptom, time incident, two choices, two ways, Visual perception

I’m scared about tomorrow.  Tomorrow I have to get a feeding tube put in.  But let me back up.

My liver function has been declining.  But now my GI doctor thinks that my liver problems might be from the oral antibiotic they had me on for my kidney infection, so I of course stopped that.  (My kidney infection seems to finally be better at least.)  With the liver my doctors want to wait 2 weeks to see if the levels normalize with me off the antibiotic.  If not then I’ll need a liver biopsy to determine what is causing it be it Autoimmune Hepatitis or something else, and we’ll go from there.

Over the last couple days, I’ve tried to eat clear liquids again and all I get is more pain and nausea.  I tried for the last time today, and I still had the same horrible nasuea and pain.  So tomorrow I’m going to have a feeding tube put in.  We are going to keep me on tube feeding for a WHOLE MONTH!!!  Why?  To really give the pancreas a chance to rest and calm down.  That means no eating for a month!!!  Ugh.

In the past, we would have just upped my dose of Prednisone to calm down the Autoimmune Pancreatitis, but now the side effects of the Prednisone are causing me too much harm and my doctors are afraid of raising it even more.

So tomorrow I will get a Nasojejunal Tube (or NJ Tube) placed.  It will go up my nose, down by throat, through my stomach, and into my small intestines.  It will allow me to get nutrition without aggravating my Autoimmune Pancreatitis.

So why am I so afraid?  Well for one thing you have to be under anesthesia for it.  Secondly, last time I had a feeding tube placed I woke up afterward into a nightmare.  I had somehow been exposed to latex which I have a life threatening allergy to.

I woke up feeling like I was drowning.  I couldn’t breathe and I thought I was going to die.  I kept coming in and out of consciousness, but each time I awoke there were more doctors and nurses around me.  They couldn’t stabilize me in the Recovery room and had to move me to the ICU and put me on a machine to help me breathe.  I spent the day and night in the ICU recovering from the incident.

Since I found out that I was getting another feeding tube I have been having flash backs to the incident.  I am very nervous something similar will happen again.  Luckily the hospital is a lot more latex free than it was when this happened a few years ago.  But even so, I am having a hard time staying calm about it.

But if all goes well with the feeding tube, and I am able to tolerate the tube feedings well, they might be able to send me home from the hospital on Saturday.  If not, then I don’t know when I’m going to make it out of this place.

It’s already been 14 consecutive days and 20 total days that I’ve spent here in the hospital, but I’ve got to keep the faith!  I know I will make it out of here eventually.  In the meantime, my friends and family have been wonderfully supportive.  I owe them so much.  And when things are at their worst, I’ve been calling upon God to help me through.  He has been such a constant source of strength, comfort, and support.  I lived so long without God in my life, but now I don’t know how I’d get by without Him.

In the end, I just have to deal with things as they come.  Things are what they are, and I know that with my own inner strength and God’s help I can get through anything.  I could cry about it (and sometimes I do), but I’d rather laugh and make the best of things.  Because life is too short.

My growing collection of flowers from friends and family.

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• Diana Lee commented on Progress! I'm grateful to hear you're doing so well. You truly look wonderful.
• cattie commented on Progress! Aww, so happy for you, Lauren, and thanking God you're well. I hope you have tons of fun, an
• Ariana commented on Progress! Yay! So sad I won't be going to ARGfest I love the picture with you standing! Your skirt is
• David F. commented on Progress! Beautiful to see your amazing progress! Congratulations! Have fun a ARGFest… Wish I could be there

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Post tags: allergy, Antibiotic, autoimmune, autoimmune hepatitis, autoimmune pancreatitis, Better, clear liquids, comfort, Conditions and Diseases, consciousness, couple days, Digestive Disorders, doctor, Doctors, doctors and nurses, ER, Faith, family, feeding tube, feeling, flickr, friends and family, general anesthesia, God, hard time, healing, health, help, hospital, ICU, inner strength, Kidney, kidney infection, latex, life, liver, liver biopsy, liver function, liver problems, machine, Nasojejunal, nasuea, nausea, nightmare, novel, nurse, nutrition, oral antibiotic, pain, pancreas, patient, place, Prednisone, Recovery, Small intestine, small intestines, time today, title, tomorrow tomorrow, tube feeding, week

It’s a terrible thing to live in fear.  I make a point of not letting my fear overcome me.

When I was a very young girl a fear of guns ruled my life.  I was afraid of being shot wherever I went.  I never wanted to leave the house for fear of being gunned down.  I was especially afraid of going to McDonald’s because I had overheard on the news that a little girl was shot and killed at one.  But even as a 5 year old, I knew that my fear was irrational, and kept it a secret.  I eventually conquered my fear years later when I was forced to participate in riflery at sleep-away camp.  Afterward, I vowed I’d never let a fear rule my life again.

But fear still creeps up now and again.  And it has certainly crept up today.

Today my doctor told me that he is concerned that if we don’t stop and reverse whatever is wrong with my liver, I will end up in liver failure.  My declining liver function may be a result of either Autoimmune Pancreatitis or Autoimmune Hepatitis or both or something else entirely.

I am, frankly, terrified.  But I refuse to let my fear rule me.  As a child I was so embarrassed of my fear that I suffered in secret silence.  But today I reached out and told all my friends the news and let them be there for me.  They more than rose to the occasion, and I am so grateful for them.  And now I am blogging it out.  Sometimes it makes it feel so much better to get it all written down.

I may still be afraid, but it doesn’t control me.  I can use coping mechanisms like these to control it instead.

Image by Jody Art via Flickr

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• Dana Marton commented on Progress! Congratulations, you are one of my picks for the Versatile Blogger Award! Go to my blog post to see
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• cattie commented on Progress! Aww, so happy for you, Lauren, and thanking God you're well. I hope you have tons of fun, an
• Ariana commented on Progress! Yay! So sad I won't be going to ARGfest I love the picture with you standing! Your skirt is
• David F. commented on Progress! Beautiful to see your amazing progress! Congratulations! Have fun a ARGFest… Wish I could be there

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Post tags: art, autoimmune, autoimmune hepatitis, autoimmune pancreatitis, Better, blog, blogging, Conditions and Diseases, coping mechanisms, Digestive Disorders, doctor, End-Stage Liver Disease, failure, Fear, flickr, guns, health, hepatitis, life, little girl, liver, liver failure, liver function, News, riflery, ritten, secret silence, sleep, terrible thing, young girl

Though I am a Novel Patient, patience isn’t my strong suit.  But patience is what is required of me right now.

My kidney infection has triggered a flare of my Autoimmune Pancreatitis.  I’ve completely lost my appetite and am having severe upper abdominal pain that bores through to my back.  Luckily I am at the hospital with all my specialists including my Pancreatic specialist.  In terms of treatment, my doctors are really afraid to give me more Prednisone (a steroid) while I am still fighting this infection.  Plus they don’t want to undo my progress in tapering the Prednisone.  So the treatment is to keep me completely off anything by mouth – no food or even water – for several days until this hopefully calms itself down again.

So they are keeping me here through the weekend, and I get to practice being patient.

I am plain tired of it all though.  I am tired of being in the hospital so often that it becomes so commonplace to my family that they hardly bat an eye.  I am tired of having IVs and PICC lines hanging out of my arm and being covered with bruises from botched attempts at them.  I am tired of being woken up in the middle of the night to get my vitals checked.  I’m tired of all the medications and the side effects.  (A new fun one from the IV antibiotic is blurred vision.)  I’m tired of being bored and lonely and alone in the hospital.  I am tired of being so tired.

I wrote a poem just now:

In The Hospital

In the hospital
Knowing only pain
And loneliness
Poked and prodded
Woken in the night
Woken in to a nightmare
But this is no nightmare
This is my life
So I search
For a beacon of hope
For a way to get through
And make this trial a tool
To grow and evolve
Past the loneliness
And past the pain
Poking and prodding
My soul into change
Though I dream
And I hope
For health
I cannot wait
So one day at a time
In the hospital

On the upside, I get to take a shower tomorrow.  A REAL shower!!!  I can’t explain how much I’m looking forward to that!

Also my church has been amazing!  They’ve been calling and texting and most importantly visiting me.  It’s been awesome to have such a source of support for the first time in my life!  Their visits have broken up the monotony and made it so much easier to be patient.

And patient I must be – a novelly patient patient.

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• Dana Marton commented on Progress! Congratulations, you are one of my picks for the Versatile Blogger Award! Go to my blog post to see
• Diana Lee commented on Progress! I'm grateful to hear you're doing so well. You truly look wonderful.
• cattie commented on Progress! Aww, so happy for you, Lauren, and thanking God you're well. I hope you have tons of fun, an
• Ariana commented on Progress! Yay! So sad I won't be going to ARGfest I love the picture with you standing! Your skirt is
• David F. commented on Progress! Beautiful to see your amazing progress! Congratulations! Have fun a ARGFest… Wish I could be there

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Post tags: Antibiotic, appetite, attempts, autoimmune, autoimmune pancreatitis, blog, bruises, Church, doctor, Doctors, ER, Facilities, family, flare, flickr, health, hope, hospital, infection, ivs, Kidney, kidney infection, life, Medication, medications, Medicine, nightmare, novel, one day at a time, pain, patience, patient, Peripherally, picc lines, place, poem, Prednisone, severe upper abdominal pain, specialist, steroid, title, treatment, upper abdominal pain, vitals, week

As the month draws to a close, I am reminded that April is Sjogren’s Syndrome Awareness Month.  Sjogren’s is my primary diagnosis, the overarching disease process that ties all (or most) or my symptoms together.

But what is Sjogren’s Syndrome?  According to Sjogrens.org:

Sjögren’s syndrome is a chronic autoimmune disease in which people’s white blood cells attack their moisture-producing glands. Today, as many as four million Americans are living with this disease.

Although the hallmark symptoms are dry eyes and dry mouth, Sjögren’s may also cause dysfunction of other organs such as the kidneys, gastrointestinal system, blood vessels, lungs, liver, pancreas, and the central nervous system. Patients may also experience extreme fatigue and joint pain and have a higher risk of developing lymphoma.

With upwards of 4,000,000 Americans suffering from Sjögren’s syndrome, it is one of the most prevalent autoimmune disorders. Nine out of 10 patients are women.

To make it more personal…

• Imagine you can’t eat crackers because you don’t have enough saliva to swallow them.
• Imagine you are so dry that it hurts to use tampons.
• Imagine your eyes are too dry and painful to wear contacts.
• Imagine you need to take 29 medications to keep your illness under control.
• Imagine the disease effects your central nervous system and causes difficulty concentrating and remembering things.  Imagine it sometimes even causes vertigo, seizures, numbness, facial drooping, and episodes of paralysis.
• Imagine the disease has spread to your pancreas in the form of autoimmune pancreatitis causing severe pain and making it difficult to digest food without the help of medications and sometimes a feeding tube.
• Imagine the disease causes such severe joint pain you are confined to a wheelchair for over a year and now use a walker to stand and walk.
• Imagine you are hospitalized several times a year for up to six weeks at a time.
• Imagine you have Sjogren’s Syndrome.

There are so many facets to it this doesn’t even begin to cover how Sjogren’s Syndrome affects me, but I hope this provides a glimpse into my world.

For more information see my post from last year on Sjogren’s Syndrome Awareness Month or visit Sjogrens.org.

Recent Comments:

• Dana Marton commented on Progress! Congratulations, you are one of my picks for the Versatile Blogger Award! Go to my blog post to see
• Diana Lee commented on Progress! I'm grateful to hear you're doing so well. You truly look wonderful.
• cattie commented on Progress! Aww, so happy for you, Lauren, and thanking God you're well. I hope you have tons of fun, an
• Ariana commented on Progress! Yay! So sad I won't be going to ARGfest I love the picture with you standing! Your skirt is
• David F. commented on Progress! Beautiful to see your amazing progress! Congratulations! Have fun a ARGFest… Wish I could be there

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Relationships are complicated enough, but adding chronic illnesses into the mix increases complications exponentially.  In fact, being bitten by the love bug leads to all sorts of symptoms, side effects, and potential complications.

It’s been a long time since I’ve let myself like a guy.  So imagine my surprise to find myself with a good old fashioned crush on someone.  But I have all the symptoms of a crush.  Fluttering in my chest.  Racing heart.  Warmth in my cheeks.  Funny feeling in the pit of my stomach when I think about if he might like me back.  But it’s also brought up a lot of confused feelings – some not so pleasant.

I feel so inadequate because of my illness.  Why would he want me when he could have countless girls who are whole and healthy?

Dating me would mean dealing with all my limitations that even I don’t want to deal with – side effects if you will.  It would begin with setting the date pending me feeling up to attending.  Not being able to keep plans because of my illness has caused problems even with my closest friends.  Breaking a date wouldn’t exactly be the way I’d want to start a new relationship, but the possibility is a reality that would come with dating me.  Then when he’d pick me up we’d have to lug my wheelchair or walker on the date.  The first thing I want to explain to him would hardly be how to assemble my wheelchair.  At dinner he’d get a full education on my eating difficulties as I filled the waiter in on my food allergies and took pills with dinner that would allow me to digest my food.  Sounds like a pretty mortifying first date in all honesty.

I worry that I wouldn’t be able to do his favorite activities with who ever I date.  I can’t even do my favorite activities anymore.  I can’t go hiking or horseback riding or play tennis.  What if physical activities are an important part if his life?  How would I ever share that with him?

And then there’s the issue of feeling inadequate due to my appearance.  I’ve put on 150 pounds from being on steroids (Prednisone) to control my autoimmune diseases.  Though I’ve now lost a small portion of it, I still feel so physically unattractive.  Not to mention the horrible acne and hair growing in strange places the same medication has also caused.  I so desperately want to be thin again and have clear skin again if only so I will be physically appealing to guys again.

Then if things do work out after the initial shock of dating someone with chronic illnesses, there’s still all the complications that can arise down the road.  What if he gets tired of dealing with the day to day struggle of my illness?  If we someday get serious and get married, the reality is that having children and even sex itself can be difficult with a chronic and painful illness.  If we did have children, would I even have the energy to raise them?

I know.  I know.  Now I’m getting way ahead of myself.  But I don’t really know what else to say.  It feels like nothing I can say will explain how horribly inadequate my illness makes me feel.  I barely have the energy to be a good friend sometimes let alone a good girlfriend.

I hope that someday I find someone who can look past my illness and see me.  But until then I can’t help wishing that the love bug didn’t even bite me in the first place.

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• Diana Lee commented on Progress! I'm grateful to hear you're doing so well. You truly look wonderful.
• cattie commented on Progress! Aww, so happy for you, Lauren, and thanking God you're well. I hope you have tons of fun, an
• Ariana commented on Progress! Yay! So sad I won't be going to ARGfest I love the picture with you standing! Your skirt is
• David F. commented on Progress! Beautiful to see your amazing progress! Congratulations! Have fun a ARGFest… Wish I could be there

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Post tags: acne, Allergies, art, autoimmune, autoimmune disease, autoimmune diseases, Chronic, Chronic Illness, chronic illnesses, complication, Conditions and Diseases, dinner, disease, Diseases, Education, exponentially, feelings, first date, food allergies, funny feeling, health, help, hope, horseback riding, illness, illnesses, life, long time, Medication, pain, pills, place, Prednisone, racing heart, relationship, relationships, road, share, steroid, struggle, symptom, tennis, walk, walker, wheelchair

Image by Stewf via Flickr

17

The number of diagnoses I’ve accumulated so far… Sjogren’s Syndrome, Autoimmune Pancreatitis, Autoimmune Hepatitis, Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis, Cerebritis, Neuropathy, Autonomic Dysfunction, Fibromyalgia, Raynaud’s, Erythromelagia, IgA Deficiency, Asthma, Sleep Apnea, OCD, Depression, Anxiety, and ADD.

7

The number of years it took to be diagnosed with Sjogren’s Syndrome.

26

The number of years I’ve been living on this earth.

28

The number of medications I take

150

The number of pounds I’ve gained from Prednisone.

30

The number of pounds I’ve lost recently.

3

The number of pants sizes I’ve dropped recently.

8

My pain level right now.

17

How old I was when I when I last felt at all healthy.

3

The number of surgeries I’ve had… appendix removed, gallbladder removed, bladder stimulator implanted.

2

The number of doctors appointments I have next week.

13

The number of doctors I see on a regular basis.

0

The number of days I’m without pain.

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• Rachel commented on Ladylike: Feeling Feminine in the Hospital Loved the shampoo caps for my first hospital stay. Helped me feel fresher and cleaner than the brief
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Having a chronic illness can rob you of your independence.  Suddenly you find yourself dependent on other people to do basic things you had always taken for granted, and this changes your relationships forever.

Before I got sick I was a super independent person.  I always preferred to do things on my own and avoided asking for help even when I really needed it.  With the onset of my autoimmune diseases, especially the neurological symptoms and symptoms that limited my mobility, asking for help became an unavoidable way of life.

Now I need help with even basic things like getting dressed or washing my hair – things I have done on my own for most of my life.  Those were the hardest things to ask for and accept help with at first.  It was frustrating for me and it was frustrating for my mom who initially found herself as my only caregiver.  Suddenly she was caring for me in a way she hadn’t needed to since I was a small child.  It tested our relationship.

At the time I felt very hurt at her frustration.  I wondered why she didn’t just automatically understand how much I had to humble myself to even ask for help in the first place.  It hurt when she responded with questions about whether I really needed the help or if I was feeling as badly as I was saying.  We fought a lot at a time when I really just needed her support.  Eventually I came to understand that I was failing to communicate.  I was also blinded by my own experience.  I was so caught up in dealing with the implications of a chronic illness and how it had shaken my world that I failed to see how profoundly it was affecting her as well.

But when I started to communicate this to her – that I knew how hard this was for her too  and that I appreciated all she was giving up to take care of me and that I knew it was also hard to watch her daughter get sick – the fighting tapered off.  I also found new ways to help her in return  that I could still do – mostly various types of computer and technical help.

When my mom simply couldn’t do it alone anymore, my need for help blessed me with two beautiful friendships in the form of two wonderful caregivers.  Sarina, my first caregiver, is more than a friend to me.  Born exactly one year apart, we say we are twins separated by a year at birth.  But it was odd at first having someone – a stranger – my age helping me with the very personal things I needed help with especially since I had been abandoned by several of my closest friends over the prior year.  They simply didn’t want deal with my new found illness and subsequent dependency.  Some stopped being my friend because they didn’t even believe I was actually sick and some of them just found it too much to handle and some I will never know their reasons.  In any case it hurt.  A lot.  But Sarina came in and loved me and accepted me and my illness.  She was truly a blessing and still is.

After Sarina moved away to further her career and get married, Melissa, my current caregiver, came into my life.  She is an angel in my life.  She, like Sarina, is always there for me.  We laugh a lot.  And through both of them I found that though I was sick I could still be a good friend in return.  I could still listen and be there for people.  I didn’t just need help from them, I could give it in return.

But at the end of the day I am still dependent on other people.  And I still hate that.  I don’t think I’ll ever not hate watching my mom or Melissa assemble my back backbreakingly heavy wheelchair.  I hate that I can’t just do it myself.  Though in a lot of ways, my relationships have grown and been strengthened by my need for help, and for that I am grateful, I am still eager to find ways to lessen my dependency.

So I am VERY pleased to announce that I’ve taken a step in the right direction – nine of them.  Last week  I walked (with the help of my walker) nine steps.  It was the first time I’ve walked in over a year!  I was having a low pain day and just went for it.  It was incredibly painful but even more incredibly worth it!

This post is my entry in February’s Health Activist Blog Carnival. If you’re interested in participating too, you can read all about it HERE.

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• amanda commented on Fear Girl you know the Lord is watching over you and you will be fine *hugs* love you <3
• Jeanne commented on Full Disclosure Hi Lauren, This is a great post. The vast majority of my 28 years (out of 41) living with chronic il

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Post tags: autoimmune, autoimmune disease, autoimmune diseases, blog, caregiver, Chronic, Chronic Illness, disease, Diseases, friendship, frustration, health, illness, independent person, life, melissa, mom, neurological symptoms, new ways, pain, patient, relationship, relationships, Sarina, symptom, wheelchair

I don’t really know what to write.  I’ve been kind of a writing funk.  More precisely the stress of everything it getting to me.  I’m in trouble financially, my doctors aren’t currently doing anything to help me get better, and I’ve been doing a lot of “being there” for my friends and family which I am more than happy to do – it’s just that its emotionally draining.

It’s so important to stay stress free when you have any chronic illness but especially one that’s autoimmune related.  High levels of stress lead to flareups of my illness.

Once upon a time I was a cutter.  Since then I have found other ways to de-stress that don’t involve hurting myself.  Now I have a little chocolate therapy on occasion (or rather frequently), I watch a favorite movie (usually The Princess Bride when I’m not feeling well), I talk to a friend or my sister about what’s bothering me, I scrapbook, or I force myself to write in this blog.  I’m feeling a little better already.

What do you do to de-stress when the road gets too bumpy?

A page from my Peace Book.

Recent Comments:

• Marti commented on Better Enough? Way to go Lauren! You know what to do. You’re doing it! With help from above, within, beyond and all
• Lairosiel commented on Better Enough? you’re probably one of the strongest person I “know” I really hope for you to getting BEST! the last
• Alison commented on Better Enough? I’ve been asking myself this a lot these last few days. I know next month when I see my doctor he is
• ~ Dad commented on Better Enough? “All that man needs for health and healing has been provided by God in nature, the challenge of scie
• Heidi commented on Better Enough? You are an inspiration!!! I love the last photo of you, standing tall with a big smile on your face

© Novel Patient for Novel Patient, 2010. | Permalink | 4 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: Add new tag, autoimmune, autoimmune diseases, Chronic Illness, Conditions and Diseases, disease, Doctors, faith, hard time, health, illness, illnesses, Management, mental health, Princess Bride, stress, Support Groups